Am I depressed?

I don’t understand? What happened to me?

 

  Shh Don’t tell anyone, this was me before pregnant…

*These pictures were before I was a believer and lover of Jesus Christ. 

I KNOW, I KNOW! What doesn’t happen to us mommies on a daily basis.

We go threw so much, I can’t even begin the list.

Many of you already read my About Me  story.

You  know that I have trouble making friends. I am not social, or friendly.

I grew up a certain way, that I believe affected who I am today. After giving birth everything changed! 

Is it my self esteem?

Is it my confidence?

My appearance? Maybe I’m not that interesting?  

I don’t know what it is?

Today my husband and I were talking and he asked me something that got me thinking…

“Are you depressed?”

I looked at him and said “Of course not”. Then later through out the day I began thinking…

My husband recently bought a new car. Yay! I kept nagging to  him for months that I needed to have my own car. Sharing one was tiring.

When we had one car these were my thoughts: If I had my own car, I would go to the park, hiking , hang out with friends, grocery shopping early, Everything would be so much better, this and that….. 

Truth is.. The car is parked outside, lonely and abandoned.

Why am I in my house? Why don’t I go out and socialize?

Is ask myself, Are you scared? Scared of what?

I don’t have time to get ready, I”m stinky, There is Formula on my shirt, I haven’t shaved, Can I get a break… I feel ugly 

Depression is something serious and I haven’t been diagnosed with postpartum depression. Do I fear rejection?

How many mommies can relate? Am I the only weird one. I love my son with all my heart and I want the best for him. Being a stay at home was the decision our family made. Until my son is in school, I will raise and teach my child. Does it get overwhelming? Yes!

Can I blame my son? Of course not. He didn’t choose to come into this world. It is our responsibility to prepare him for this world.

How can I do that if everything is learned by example. I pray to God he will give me the strength and knowledge. (Please don’t hate me, I know there are mommies who have to work, and would love to be home with their smaller ones).

Until you are in someones shoes you don’t really know what they are talking about. I have no family in this country, I have very to no little friends, and I don’t count with support from family.

Many moms are blessed to have their mom close by, I’m sure grandma loves spending time with your children. Unlike for me it is just my husband and I.

Yes it can get overwhelming.

In conclusion..

I feel like we all need us time. Anyone who is not at home 24 hours a day 7 days a week with their children will not understand. If you encounter in the same situation I personally invite you to join me on this challenge. Your not alone! There are many great blogs and communities like these who help and support. Do something for yourself and complete the mommy challenge. 

I would love to hear your thoughts, Does this happen to anyone else? Please don’t forget to vote for an empowering and awesome motherhood community! Love Nay 

 

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